These words jumped off the page at me from Psalm 34. As if to answer a question presented during our community group the night before. “What is competing for your heart’s space? What is getting in the way of or distracting you from your relationships with your family, your friends, or God?”
Now, I’m no theologian & I’m sure the original translation of this verse is possibly intended another meaning. But this night, the answer was clear. Seek peace and pursue it.
What does this mean? The word peace has many meanings, but I exchanged the words God & Peace, and read: God is peace - seek Him & pursue Him.
Now, I realize this isn’t new information, but God’s timing and His word spoke loud and clear. For the last several days, I was grappling (read: sick to my stomach) with a professional decision, that while exciting and felt like exactly what I had been (desperately) praying for the last several years, would ultimately greatly impact me and our family in ways opposite of how the Lord has been working and growing me. I don’t believe in a God who tempts, but I do believe in a God who brings clarity. I was unsettled, at best. Something just wasn’t right. I don’t think this incredible opportunity is for me. There. I said it. I had come full circle to receive the thing I *thought* I wanted, only to realize I genuinely didn’t want it anymore. Shew. That was painful, but healing.
I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul (Matthew 16:26). See peace and pursue it (Psalm 34:14). These verses affirmed my discernment.
I told Bryan I would rather give my time away for free than take a position that pays well and threatens my heart space & our family’s priorities. The years of my success and achievement on that first mountain high look very different after time well spent in the wilderness. I’m ready for my second mountain - maybe I don’t have full clarity on how that is fleshed out, but my heart is postured. Come what may - I am learning to be content. I am seeking peace & pursuing it.
The Lord has continued to remind me that I am more than enough, that I am Chosen, & that He has so much more for me and our family that I could ever ask or imagine. I don’t need earthly affirmations for that - or maybe I did - but by His grace & love, I’m learning to let those go. I choose to trust Holy Spirit power in me. The agency that I have in Him. And that wherever I go, whatever I get to do in my time on earth, that I do it well. My measures have changed in the wilderness & I think I’m nearing the exit of a season having gained fresh perspective. Through surrender and proximity to the Lord, I’m happy - wherever He takes me.
My time at Ardor ends in just a few weeks. I’m closing out the last 7+ years of my employment on December 31st. Something about ending a life season in line with the end of a calendar year makes me very excited. I’m ready for 2023! Many of you have asked what I will do next. The answer: I don’t know and I’m okay with that. I’m going to focus on ‘being’ over ‘doing’. I’m going to be intentional about what is forming me. I’m going to seek my heart’s passion of giving my time away in service of others. I’m seeking peace and pursuing it. I’m soaking in the moments, people, & places around me - I’m practicing presence. I’m seeking God and pursuing Him.
By no coincidence is this my experience this week of Peace at Advent that we are celebrating ;) My hope is that you too are experiencing a fresh wind of His presence and peace this holiday season.
Stay tuned for our update on the rest of the Lassiter fam - coming soon!
I love this, thanks for sharing! I gave up a “successful” career by world standards, and great pay, to follow a much different path pouring into family/kids and allowing God to teach me a very different set of skills. I had no idea the spiritual growth and things He started showing and teaching me after laying down the professional identity and work and following a different path from Him. WOW. It has blown my mind the past 5+ years. I wanted to share to encourage you in your path and the things God has in store for you. They carry an eternal weight and power that is more than you could ever ask or think when you follow His lead…